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Monday, May 13, 2013

the Worst Movies of All Time (With Special Guests)








Hey guys, Clayton, here and today is a very special post. I have asked fellow friends and even Internet movie critics thier honest opinion on what is the worst movies they ever saw, followed by an image of them destroying said film in a creative way. Just a little note, this is inspired by YouTuber DainelLaux42992's video of the same name as this post, and I will say if he sees this, thanks for the inspiration of this post. Anyway, let's get started!

Clayton




"For me personally, I have two. Because it's hard for me to distinguish between the two which is worse. And they are 'Son of the Mask' and 'the Devil Inside'. 'Son of the Mask', wow, of all the Jim Carrey sequels not starring Jim Carrey, this one's probably the worst, it has very unlikeable characters, the acting is awful especially Jamie Kennedy who sounds like he's whining all the time, the jokes all fall flat, and the effects make ImageMovers Digital look like Pixar in comparisson. What a way to discourage a great comedy like 'the Mask'. I already explained my issues with 'the Devil Inside' on My Worst of 2012 post, but I will summarize,  the problems it suffers from is bad acting that makes 'Freddy's Dead: the Final Nightmare' look Oscar worthy, it tries WAY too hard to be scary to the point of ridiculousness and the ending is a big middle finger to the audience. If you want a good found footage movie, stick to 'Cloverfield' or 'Chronicle'."




Robert H.




"There hasn't been one movie that has made me more angry than 'the Last Airbender'. First off the acting is all either bland or wooden, particullary Noah Ringer as Aang, and over the top like Dev Patel as Prince Zuko, the martial arts/element-bending looks more like ballet, and the effects look more cheap than a SyFy movie. Take my advice and watch the cartoon rather than the movie."





Brandon





"One movie or at least movie series that makes me cringe is 'the Twilight Saga', more in particular, 'New Moon', why? Because throughout the entire movie NOTHING HAPPENS. But the other complaints are what many others say, such as it's boring, the acting is all flat, and it gives vampires a bad name."


Brody






"One movie that I hate has got to be 'Flash Gordon'. Now, I know some people like this movie, but I don't, the actors are all pretty bad, the effects and sets all look fake and the entire movie is just cheesy."


Cameron





"The worst movie I have ever seen has got to be 'Twilight: Breaking Dawn-Part 1'. i know that's cliche but this one is the worst. First off, the characters are all awful (especially Edward and Bella), and for the entire movie NOTHING HAPPENS. I know that nothing happens in 'New Moon' as well, but this one is just worse. Bottom line, skip this one."


the Hardcore Kid/Headbanger142





"Mine would have to be 'Disaster Movie'. I was unfortunate to watch it while I was on vacation in St Maartan and it was so incredibly unfunny and forced. Of course, that's Seltzerberg for ya."



Perfect-10/perfect10reviews




"'Fred: The Movie'. It's incredibly annoying (so annoying that it LITERALLY brought me to the point of nausea), it has no story, every character is thoroughly unlikeable, and the movie sends some terrible messages to really young children (there's a scene that, if it had cuss words in it it would basically be Superbad). No film has ever left me as thoroughly enraged as that one did."




AniMat/ElectricDragon505






"Believe it or not, my pick isn't an animated film. I think it's hands down 'Bratz: The Movie'. Terrible concept, writing with -10% sense, idiotic acting, atrosious songs, EVERYTHING ABOUT IT WANTS ME TO SHOOT ALL THAT AND WHO IS INVOLVED WITH THIS SCUM!!!!!!! For more details on my thoughts, look at my video of the Top 10 Worst Films Based on a Cartoon :P"



Media Hunter/IsaacTales2





"Well if you have to ask...the worst movie I can consider anyway would be...'Space Chimps 2'.
As a sequel it just comes off as unnecessary and pointless; it goes as far as to break a lot of continuity and breaks so much logic and sense in things in order to make the story even happen. Not only that but the characters come off as even more unlikable than the first movie, the animation is even worse than before to the point where it just seems lazy, it's just a very unpleasant movie. I did a whole review of it so you would know just how much pain this movie brought me."

the Blockbuster Buster/ERod Blockbuster Buster






"'Southland Tales'
cause like the sirens of the greek mythology I was lured in by the beautiful, sultry and alluring Sarah Michelle Gellar. Only to find that there is no real movie, there is no plot, and that the lovely Sarah is merely one of many distractions from the painful fact that what I was watching is unintelligible shit that should never be viewed by the eyes of mortal men."






The Media Murderer/DahThirdBestEditor





"I can have the worst movie I've ever seen in 3 categories.
If I had to say the worst one I reviewed, I'd say 'Inspector Gadget 2'. That movie was a pain in my ass.
If I had to pick the worst one I ever saw in a movie theater, I'd go with 'Project X'. (I labeled it as the second worst on my video, but I didn't see 'Piranha' in theaters.)
If I had to go with worst overall, I'd say either 'Garbage Pail Kids' or 'Batman and Robin'. (I actually never saw those films, but I saw well done reviews on them, so I know enough about them.)"



Fightingleaf





"Without a doubt 'the Smurfs Movie' qualifies for both the worst movie I've ever reviewed as well as the worst movie I've ever made myself endure ('Birdemic' doesn't count). The biggest problem with it was a similar problem that I had with the 'Yogi Bear' movie: the concept just doesn't fit in today's standards of story-telling. Specifically, the movie just felt like every detail of it was made for no other reason than to exploit a property and that property's audience. The only good parts about it, Hank Azaria's Gargamel, while excellent, did nothing to counteract the aneurism-inducing Smurf talk. But I'm just recapping my review of it right now."



Joey Tadesco/Cartoon Palooza/drexelboi1991





"'The Cat in the Hat.' I have no clue who and what that movie was aiming for. None of the jokes worked, none of the characters had anything admirable, and the messages are convoluted. I don't think you could go any lower that that movie."



WhyBoy/Cartoon Corner/TaylorwyattWhyboy




"The Worst Movie at this point I've seen is 'Tentacolino', the sequel to 'The Legend of The Titanic'. Simply because it's offensive to the memory of those who died, the colour palette is sickeningly bright, the "story" and characters are boring and finally there's a 2 second scene that pops up out of nowhere where a giant fat rat in a diaper sexually assaults a much smaller nurse mouse as she says "No. Don't." This is why 'Tentacolino' is the worst movie I've seen period."



Jacob Beck/Cinematic Nutcase






"What I find annoying is that the ones I'm thinking of are ones everyone else has beaten to death. 'Revenge of the Fallen' was one of those cinematic experiences where I was pleading for the film to just cut to black and let me go home. I dislike how it seems like it wants to take itself seriously, like it's some big grandiose epic, but then still throws in immature, unfunny jokes. It's tonally inconsistent, is what I'm saying.
It's also way too long for what it is. If a movie is going to be that long, it has to try really hard to keep my attention. But action alone does not get me invested, I have to care about the characters in order to care about the action, and the characters aren't really that engaging or likable. So yeah, that's basically it, though considering how many movies I still haven't seen, there's bound to be something worse waiting for me."



Morgan Leger/TimeWarrior90







"By far the worst movie I have ever seen to date was Andrei Konchalovsky's 'The Nutcracker in 3D'. Better known on the DVD releases as 'The Nutcracker: The Untold Story'. And honestly, I wish this tale was untold. Elle Fanning feels cold and distant as Mary who receives a Nutcracker from her Uncle Albert (Nathan Lane) who constantly sings about how everything is relative. Uncle Albert even does the look of Einstein and tries to act as some sort of mentor but barley makes an impact other than his baffling appearance. As the movie goes forth on a snail's pace, Mary's new toy comes to life with the form of Napoleon (seriously, what is with the choice in taking historical figures not everyone will connect with?) and takes her on a perilous journey that acts like a paint by numbers kid's movie combined with a strange 'Alice in Wonderland'/'Wizard of Oz' drug trip. Also tossed into the mix is the famous Tchaikovsky score which is the only positive thing I could think of but not when its covered up by awful song lyrics written strangely by 'Lion King''s Tim Rice. What could have been a decent cheery Christmas flick turns into a sugar plum fairy's nightmare. The constant dark color palette, the unintended scary imagery, and most insulting of all the idea of passing it off as a bright holiday flick. This movie is stuffed with creepy Nutcrackers, poor CGI that feels rendered from the Xbox, and John Turturro as a Rat King that belts out sour notes while leading a squad of Nazi Rats. That's right, Nazi rats. This movie is so low that it actually has its villains take the quality of a fascism race. To top it off, the master plan is to block out the sun by steal the kid's toys and using them as fire fuel to achieve such an absurd concept. Again, did I mention this is a Christmas movie? Something that was supposed to be joyous and wholesome. There are films that have at least shown the sour view of the holiday like 'A Christmas Story' but not to the point of feeling mean spirited. This is a step beyond mean spirited. This is the stuff bad movies and worst films combined are made of. But the cherry on this disastrous tour de force is that this was director Andrei Konchalovsky's dream project for a good 20 years! And if within those 20 years he didn't change a thing or even try to second think about the many story elements that went into this terrifying adaptation, I wouldn't be surprised."

DanielLaux42992 (The guy who inspired me to do this blog)




"In my personal opinion, the worst movie I have ever seen is 'Baby Geniuses'. There are many reasons why I dislike this movie. For starters, the established universe of the film makes no sense (one example is how they establish babies are born geniuses, & yet at a certain point they just 'stop' being geniuses. What?) Secondly, the story itself is really stupid & stuffed with hundreds of overdone cliches. Third, the jokes were just terrible. Fourth, the visual effects were also terrible. Finally, the film wastes such great talent on their choices of actors, as well as their director (whose previous credits include 'A Christmas Story'). Overall, I found this movie absolutely terrible, & you'll be much happier if you skipped it."


That Movie-Nut/SavageBroadcast





"Well, normally I don't actively seek out bad films, but of the ones I've seen thus far, and I've have seen quite a few, the ones that got under my skin the most have to be 'Soul Plane (2006)' & 'Birth (2004)'. I would have thrown in the 1996 version of 'Island of Dr Moreau', but considering how troubled a production it had, it would feel like picking on a weak child if were to go this far with it.

Now for the reasons:
'Soul Plane' - What decade did the film makers think we were in?! Blaxploitation died out many years ago, and in that time, many talented black actors & directors have come forward and made a difference. This is a film, on the other hand, that seeks to turn that clock back. Every single black stereotype is here, from drug users to sex animals to ghetto folk, even down to eating fried chicken. With that, you can guess what caliber of 'joke' we are dealing with, and when you do actually laugh, you then wonder right after 'wait, that wasn't funny. That was just stupid.'. Couple that with the most generic hip-hop laden soundtrack, direction that is non-existent and slack so everything looks cheap and actors who bring nothing but obnoxious gurning and screeching, and you have a veritable cocktail of suck.

'Birth'- From the director of 'Sexy Beast' comes a story about a woman who starts to believe that her dead husband has been reincarnated as a 10 year old boy. A premise like this has great potential AND... what happened?! Aside from a brief scene with a psychologist, the film makes no effort to explore, either mystically or scientifically, how this event is possible or explicable, which is a huge waste of creative potential (compare to say, Fearless, which look at the issue of death and near-death from both a psychological, everyday and religious viewpoint, in order to give us a broad picture of the effects of the condition.) Add to that, the kid is overplayed as creepy, taking even further away from the believability and realism, and speaks in a distant monotone that doesn't help either (and again, very little about how this kid can prove he was the husband is explored, save for a brief moment about the couch he and the wife once had sex on). Mix that in with indifferent performances from a more than capable cast (including Nicole Kidman and Lauren Bacall), moments that are creepy and unsettling for the sake of it, with very little intellectual weight behind them (they are not better than jump-scares or gore in a horror film), and a constantly desaturated grayish look to the film, even when scenes are not sad or depressing, and you have the textbook definition of 'wasted potential'.

That what's I have to say. MOVIE-NUT out."


Wow. What a lot of bad movies we've seen here! Well folks, this was just a little blog I wanted to do, I want to thank everyone who participated, especially the Internet critics who helped out, thanks to DanielLaux42992 for inspiring me to do this special blog, and thanks to all who read this blog. Stay tuned as I will review my most anticipated movie of the year, "Iron Man 3". I'm Clayton, and....well after all these movies, it looks like they made Hollywood pay the price. Peace.


Links to the reviewers who took part in this blog:
Hardcore Kid- youtube.com/user/Headbanger142
                        blip.tv/the-hardcore-kid
Perfect-10- youtube.com/user/perfect10reviews

Animat- youtube.com/feed/UCxP5OANXyoTlm0B2W0lvZaQ
             blip.tv/animation-lookback
Media Hunter- youtube.com/user/IsaacTales2
                        blip.tv/media-hunter
Blockbuster Buster- youtube.com/user/ERod2010
                                blip.tv/the-blockbuster-buster
Media Murderer- youtube.com/user/dahthirdbesteditor
Fightingleaf- youtube.com/user/fightingleaf
Joey Tadesco- youtube.com/user/drexelboi1991
                        thatfellowinthecoat.com/cartoonpalooza.php
Cartoon Corner- youtube.com/user/TaylorwyattWhyboy/
                           blip.tv/cartooncorner
Cinematic Nutcase- youtube.com/user/weirdaljedifan2
                               blip.tv/ncbnutcase
Morgan Leger- youtube.com/user/TimeWarrior90
                         blip.tv/vaulting
DanielLaux42992- youtube.com/user/DanielLaux42992
Movie-Nut- youtube.com/user/SavageBroadcast

















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